pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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