She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
