I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
