yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
