I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
