We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
