my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
