My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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