Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Houston, we have a blender
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
