This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Rumble strips road head = magical
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
