the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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