She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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