this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
