If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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