??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Pants are for mortals
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
