I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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