dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
