And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
