At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
