i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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