so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
