my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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