plz talk dirty to me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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