In the future we'll all be gay
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
