Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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