My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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