it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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