No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Life is so much better after having sex.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
