She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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