so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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