Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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