I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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