I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
