Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
