In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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