Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
