It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
