dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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