some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
