oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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