so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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