i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
