wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
