i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
