You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
