I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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