TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize