I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
