My balls are so social today.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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