Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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