Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
there is puke in my bra ... again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
