An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
