Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
