I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
