If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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