the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
