called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
