UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
