my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
