She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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