Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
