I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
