Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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