Ketchup is God's man juice
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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