He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
