I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
