I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
