Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize