its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
