He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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