Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
