Your tits are I can't wait for
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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