Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
