I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
