Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
