I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
