I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
