I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
