I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
