Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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